This topic was on my mind for a while. I was not sure if I should speak about such an ugly experience on my blog as I do not want to dampen the mood. However if it could help a person who knows or is in this same situation it could make someone’s day more brighter and maybe giving up won’t be an option.
What would you say to your younger self now that you are older and more experienced in life?
As you may have deduced from the title this is about my bullied years. From 9 years to 11 years this was a daily occurrence and unfortunately part of it could be avoided.
What I would say to myself is not to push away my family just cause my family where not as wealthy as the group of people I hung out with. My parents where a working class and we where very comfortable, vacation twice a year , nice cloths, packed weekends and a lot of love. However these things did not matter cause my ‘friends’ had pools and villa’s to which I was rarely invited too.
Do not get offended when girls jeer at you cause they are jealous you could afford flowered DM’s when they thought your family could not buy them for you, they are just being mean cause they have no attention at home and they want to make you sad cause you have love and a nice things too. There was a birthday party I had gone too, and for one reason or another this particular blonde girl pointed at me and told me ‘ what do you think you are wearing over sized everything you look ridiculous’ turning around and giggling with the others. It absolutely broke me. Seeing it now I didn’t know her parents where divorcing and she needed to feel better by being hurtful to me.
Do not push the real friends that are trying to speak with you just cause you want to be with cool rich kids that are continuously leaving you out from outings and the cinema. Sitting in the playground was a horrible experience everyone was speaking between each other and I was trying to fit in so hard. Even one smile would have made my day. I was so blinded that I didn’t realise the decent kids are a step away and they would love me.
Don’t get offended cause there are people speaking behind your back and inventing stuff, they are empty vessels that will turn out to be unsuccessful and underachieving as all they want is to feed off other peoples sadness. I would hear so many rumours and it would give me such heart ache that looking back it would have been easier to be totally alone and weird rather then accepted.
The stories can go on and on but these are events and moments that I will never forget. Looking back I could have avoided a lot of heart ache but for one reason or another I wanted to be popular and be seen with the posh rich kids and for another reason or another some people really did not like me and made sure to make it a point.
Looking back I could have walked away and settled with decent girls that could have accepted me, however it took me around 4 years to snap out of it and find a loving group of girls who loved me for who I am. Seeing where I reached in my life it gave me a rather tough perspective about friendship,trust and weirdly enough I am the person that has quality friends , loving working colleagues and a husband who respects my quirky self.
If you know someone in this situation or you are my younger self know that you can move out from this horrid chain. Know that being a bit lonely is better then being verbally abused, in fact it is absolutely fine cause before you can start loving yourself you can not move on in life. Know that you are not the problem but there is some deep issue in the other person that is hurting you and the quicker you are to move away the happier you will be. Loving yourself means doing things you like, painting your nails, reading a book, checking out gossip columns, going for a walk, doing some DIY for your room simple things. Feel safe within yourself so you can turn to yourself when you find no one else. Have faith that you will be happy as soon as you love yourself properly!
Take Care Peeps!
